Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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