like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
