I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i may or may not be watching the land before time
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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