We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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