She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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