I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
