I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
