Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
