just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
