omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
