I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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