Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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