I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
