Your face is a jimmy john
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
