My underwear smells like fireworks.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
