Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Sext me about skeletons
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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