The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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