i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
