Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
No subtext here. People are naked.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
