How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
