Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
