I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
