I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
