her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
