I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
