Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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