I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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