Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
