Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I supernannyed him into submission
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
