I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
porn star boner night. come get it.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
