Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
