I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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