these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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