Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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