I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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