i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Randomize
