I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
