I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
