Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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