Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
