when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
How does one acquire holy water?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
