Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
