I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
