The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
