he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We need a shit load of segways right now
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
The air taste purple.
Randomize
