i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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