Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
