we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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