I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
