I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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