If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
