if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
