it wasn't lemon gatorade
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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